Moan for me like Helen Keller
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
