Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
