This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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