It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
