remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
