Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
