Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
