She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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