i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
