good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
