i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
