I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
