Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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