I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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