I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
