didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
