They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
