summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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