I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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