dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The adults are the big ones right?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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