she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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