you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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