dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
