porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
