I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
