as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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