Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
