Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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