somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
