Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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