She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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