Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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