miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
