I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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