Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
