If that was your dad, he is hot
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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