well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
