It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she pinky promised me she was 18
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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