All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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