i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
