i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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