I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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