Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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