remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
