sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so explain again why im purple
no
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
