don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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