its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
