did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
