You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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