you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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