She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
