If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
