Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
