I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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