There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
