I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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