I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
