Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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