I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
