I just made out with a guy for $7.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
