What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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