I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
