Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
