what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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