i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
