Sry I called you an 8
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
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