Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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