i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
