So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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