i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
