My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
