There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
