U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
